Kenyan Lawyer Is Offering Obama 50 Cows, 70 Sheep And 30 Goats To Marry Malia, And Even I'm Flattered

Nairobi – A Kenyan lawyer has offered US President Barrack Obama 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats for his daughter’s hand in marriage.

Speaking to The Nairobian, Felix Kiprono said his dream is to marry one of Obama’s daughters, Malia, and he is ready to meet Obama to discuss the matter when he visits Kenya in July.

“I got interested in her in 2008. As a matter of fact, I haven’t dated anyone since and promise to be faithful to her. I have shared this with my family and they are willing to help me raise the brideprice,” he said.

Okay now I’m not saying that President Obama will take this kind young gentleman up on his offer, but I am saying that he should at least be considering it. I don’t know much about dowries. Like I understand how they work, but I don’t know what the standard is these days or how to convert cows/sheep/goats to USDs. But if I had to take a guess, I’d say that this is pretty much a offer you can’t refuse. That’s a shit ton of livestock. I mean this offer could have just stopped after 50 cows and I’d be like damn, this dude is pretty serious. But then to tack on the 70 sheep and 30 goats even has me feeling flattered. I can’t imagine how Malia Obama must be feeling right now. To know that someone out there in the world cares about you that much that they’d be willing to give up all those animals just for your hand in marriage. That’s the most romantic shit I’ve ever heard in my life and I’ve watched The Notebook at least 50 times. And yeah, I guess it would be pretty messed up of Obama to send his daughter off to Kenya to marry this man but he’s at a time right now in his career that he has to start thinking logistics. He’s not going to be POTUS forever. The 2016 Election is quickly creeping up and before you know it, he’s out of a job. Sure, he may not need the 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats today. But what happens when 2017 rolls around? That’s what I thought. If I’m Obama, I at least sleep on this a little.

Sidenote: The Nairobi live snapstory on Snapchat yesterday was LAAAAAAME. You’d expect so much more out of a 3rd world country but the best thing we got was some white dude kissing a giraffe. That snapstory definitely isn’t helping this lawyer’s case.